In Melissa Monteiro’s Own Words — from JYNM: “Seeing the Child, Not the Label”

“A label on a food packet works because carbs and sugar can be objectively measured. A child cannot and should not be measured that way.”

— Melissa Monteiro

I come from a long line of teachers — my grandmother, my mother, now me. But I didn’t get into this work because it was expected of me. I got into it because I actually love it, and because I couldn’t watch certain students keep falling through the cracks of a classroom of forty. That’s the whole reason I moved from a school into one-on-one teaching, and it’s the reason I’ve built my entire practice around neurodivergent learners.

I’m a Bangalore-based teacher and personal tutor. I specialize in neurodivergent children — the ones who get called lazy, disrespectful, difficult, never on time. I’ve built real relationships with students who came to me wearing every one of those labels, and I’ve watched, every time, what happens when you take the label off and actually look at the child.

1. Labels Are a Very Black-and-White Way of Looking at Very Complex People

I have a problem with labels, to be honest. When we label a child lazy for not doing homework, we’re skipping the actual question — was the homework overwhelming? Did they lose track of time? Were they having a completely different conversation in their head while they sat there with the page in front of them? I had to learn, especially early on, that “I don’t want to do my homework” and “I don’t have the tools to do my homework today” are two completely different sentences that can look identical from the outside.

2. The Moment I Say I’m a Bad Teacher, I React From That Space

Something shifted for me when I stopped personalizing my students’ behavior. If a student seems disrespectful, my first instinct used to be to take it personally. Now I try to keep the issue in front of both of us, rather than between us — this is a homework problem, not a me-versus-you problem. I remind myself and my students constantly: we are on the same team. We want the same thing. The minute either of us forgets that, everything gets harder.

3. My Own Anxiety Taught Me How to Sit With Theirs

I’ve struggled with anxiety myself, and that’s actually where a lot of my empathy for my students comes from. When I ask myself what I would need if I were feeling overwhelmed, the answer is almost never a strategy. It’s just: I need to know I’m safe. I’m loved. I’m going to be okay. Once I recognized that in myself, I could offer the same thing to a student spiraling in front of me — presence, not a five-step fix.

4. Our Assessment Systems Were Never Built for Them

Some of my most brilliant students know the answer, understand the concept completely, and still can’t get it onto paper the way an exam wants it. I’ve called parents just to say — your child is so capable, and the system in front of them simply isn’t designed to show that. It might just be a bad day. Give the same test on a different day and you might get a completely different score. Teachers need to hold their assessments a little less tightly than we’re trained to.

Tools & Strategies

• “Where is the evidence?” — a simple question I teach students to ask their own negative self-talk, instead of accepting it as fact.
• Speaking to yourself like a friend — reframing the internal monologue from judgment to the kind of encouragement you’d offer someone you love.
• Keeping the “issue” ahead of both of us — naming the actual problem (time management, a missing tool) instead of making it about the student’s character or my competence as a teacher.
• Weekly check-ins for parents — a regular, honest moment to ask “where am I on my own scale of overwhelm right now” before burnout arrives.

All kids are special — even more so, I think, the neurodivergent ones. Imagine a prism: there’s so much more color than black and white. If I can encourage any parent listening, it’s this — love your children for who they are, just because they exist. That’s one of the most powerful gifts you can give.


Listen to the full episode: youtube.com/watch?v=bVJhk6yJYm8

Topics covered: #ADHD #Dysgraphia #Educators #EmotionalRegulation #SelfTalk #ParentBurnout